Min Qolbi

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim..

Salam wrt,

Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah. All thanks are for Him as I breathe today with the understanding and comprehension He has given me. Asif jiddan kerana lama benar tak update blog, rasanya kalau guna vacuum pun tak dapat nak membersihkan sawang-sawang yang ada.. hehe... A few days I thought over the same thing, how I used to be and how it still affects me a little (at times, a lot) Ya benar, masih ada karat-karat Jahiliyah yang kadang-kadang melambatkan pergerakanku.. Mujahadah itu perlu bagi setiap Muslim. Di manakah letaknya iman kalau kita tiada mujadah? I used to think that when I'm about to do something, I just do it. Half-heartedly. What's in it for me, anyway?

But how was I wrong. So wrong.

Rasulullah bersabda, pada "Hari Infinity" nanti, akan ada seorang yang terakhir keluar dari neraka Jahannam. Dan bila dia keluar sahaja, dia rasa dialah orang yang paling beruntung sebab dapat melalui pelbagai azab dan masih dapat keluar dari neraka (padahal rasanya, orang yang memasuki Jannah bukan ke lebih baik?). Allah pun bertanya kepadanya kalau dia perlukan apa-apa lagi.. Dengan senang hatinya, dia menjawab, "Takpe2, ya Allah... aku dah cukup gembira dok bwh pokok yg rendang ni.. byk buahnya, sungai pun ada.."

Dan ceritanya berakhir begitu sahaja.

Hehe... tidak2, itu gurauan sahaja... Dengan izin Allah, Allah menampakkan kepadanya sebuah pokok yang lebih besar dengan lebih banyak buah dan dengan sungai yang lebih besar. Maka, lelaki itu tadi pun meminta kepada Allah agar dipindahkan ke pokok yang lebih besar tu. "Eh, kata tadi dah taknak apa-apa dah?" Allah bertanya (maaf, ayat yang exact tak dapat di kenal pasti). Dan lelaki itu pun merayu-rayu untuk dipindahkan ke pokok yang lebih besar itu. Dengan rahmat Allah, dia pun duduklah di bawah pokok besar itu. Kisah ini berterusan sampailah pada satu masa, Allah menampakkan syurga kepadanya (barangkali lelaki itu panjat pokok dan terintai-intai syurga.. mungkin? Hanya Allah yang tahu) dan serta-merta dia jatuh cinta pada syurga dan merayu dengan gila-gila pada Allah (begging, grovelling, you name it). Dah tiada malu dah untuk terus meminta supaya dimasukkan ke syurga.

Allah pun bertanya,"Adakah kamu nak masuk ke dalam syurga yang isi di dalamnya lebih hebat dari isi di dunia? Adakah kamu nak masuk ke dalam syurga yang isi di dalamnya lebih hebat dari isi di dunia?" Allah pun mengulang-ulang pertanyaan tu sebanyak 10 kali.

Lelaki itu pun terkebil-kebil dan berkata (dalam English best sikit kot), "Oh Allah, are you making fun of me?" "Kau buat lawak dgn aku ke, Ya Allah... Aku nak masuk syurga ni!" Betapa desperatenya lelaki itu nak masuk syurga.

Periwayat hadith itu senyum. Kerana Rasulullah pun tersenyum dan bertanya kepada yang mendengar cerita itu, "Tak nak tanya ke kenapa aku senyum?"

Nak tanya jugalah, "Tak nak tanya ke kenapa aku senyum?"

Kalau tak nak tanya pun takpelah, akan aku kisahkan jua..

Rasulullah senyum sebab Allah SWT pun senyum (sweet kan?). Allah senyum kerana dengan rahmat, kasih sayang dan cintaNya... Dia memasukkan lelaki itu ke dalam Jannah...

Sometimes, we have a very vague idea of how Jannah is like, it is full of grape trees, streams, you can have whatever you want in there. But truth is, it is more than what we think it is. Saya rasa syurga itu macam itu atau macam ini... tidak! Syurga itu lebih dari itu! Lebih dari apa otak kita (walaupun berfikir di luar kotak) dapat membayangkan. It is more than that!! We're talking about infinity here, people!

So, what has this hadith have anything to do with mujahadah?

Like Stephen Covey said... "To begin with the end in mind." In whatever we do, whatever we strive for, we have to have an aim (for example, Jannah), a push that keeps us going, a striving force, an impact force that makes us move with ultimate strength like we've never known before. Jihad untuk melawan diri sendiri, berdakwah dan berjihad fi sabilillah, bekerja untuk Islam sepenuh masa... what makes us go far?

Aim. Objective. And himmah (intention yang tinggi, semangat yang tinggi)

Like a brother once said, "Benjo tak sesedap burger!"

Kenapa? Sebab di dalam benjo, isinya hanyalah telur. Apa yang diperlukan untuk mendapat telur adalah dengan bertelurnya seekor ayam. Ayam tu tak syahid atau pengsan pun semasa bertelur. Tetapi lain pula dengan burger yang isinya daging. Memerlukan pengorbanan seekor kambing! Seekor kambing yang mati untuk memberikan kita burger dan hanya sebiji telur (tanpa apa-apa pengorbanan dari ayam) untuk memberi kita telur.

Di dalam kerja kita, apa sahaja yang kita lakukan, we must try our very best!!! Cubalah sedaya upaya hingga habis tenaga upaya kita! Bekerjalah, belajarlah, berdakwahlah sepenuh tenaga, jiwa dan raga! Ikhlaskan hati tanpa mengharap apa-apa balasan dari orang lain melainkan hanya untuk mardhatillah, nescaya apa orang lain kata, apa orang lain buat, apa yang kita lalui akan kita harungi semuanya kerana Allah sahaja.

Kerana kita punya aim. Dan aim kita itu memerlukan pengorbanan yang BESAR.

"(Iaitu) kamu beriman kepada Allah dan RasulNya dan berjihad di jalan Allah dengan harta dan jiwamu. Itulah yang lebih baik bagi kamu jika kamu mengetahui."
"Nescaya Allah mengampuni dosa-dosamu dan memasukkan kamu ke dalam syurga yang mengalir sungai-sungai, dan ke tempat-tempat yang baik di dalam syurga 'Adn. Itulah kemenangan yang agung."

Silalah refer As-Saff, 61:11-12

Semoga yang ditulis ini dapat memberi peringatan bagi yang membaca dan juga yang menulisnya.

Wallahu'alam.

Salam wrt,

Aunt Swee Moi's funeral ceremony went smoothly, kata abangku. She was cremated katanya lagi. Semoga ayah di rumah dapat tabahkan hatinya. Tidak dapat kukirimkan apa2 kepadanya kecuali kalam-kalam Allah...

Somehow, it might seem imperceptible to us... but I realized how with the smallest of things, or the biggest of things, Allah could make us happy if He wanted to. Like the rain (yes, I really love the rain).. Some people might say, "Oh, it's raining again.." and continue doing whatever it is they're doing but some might jump up and down with happiness and feel a sense of relief and hope. To me, rain is a sign that Allah is still here, right here beside us, caressing us with every drop of rain.

"Allah-lah yang mengirimkan angin, lalu angin itu menggerakkan awan dan Allah membentangkannya di langit menurut yang Dia kehendaki, dan menjadikannya bergumpal-gumpal, lalu kau lihat hujan keluar dari celah-celahnya, maka apabila Dia menurunkannya kepada hamba-hambaNya yang Dia kehendaki tiba-tiba mereka bergembira.."
Ar-Rum, 30:48

Kita sering mabuk dengan kegembiraan dan asyik dalam kejayaan yang kita peroleh sampai kadang-kadang kita lupa semua kekuasaan, semua kekuatan yang kita ada bukanlah milik kita. "Strength is with none but Allah"! Every victory that we achieve, every paper that we score, every exam that we succeed with flying colours, it is all in the power of Allah. Dia berkuasa untuk menjayakan kita dan Dia juga berkuasa untuk menggagalkan kita.

And because of our inevitable tendency to forget, Allah reminds us that with every victory we achieve, always remember to tasbih and istighfar.

"Apabila telah datang pertolongan Allah dan kemenangan, dan engkau melihat manusia berbondong-bondong masuk agama Allah, maka bertasbihlah dengan memuji Tuhanmu dan mohonlah ampunan kepada-Nya. Sungguh, Dia Maha Penerima Taubat."
An-Nasr, 110:1-3

Tetapi kenapa Allah nak beri kita kemenangan? Maybe it is a test from Him to see how grateful we are towards Him. Do we still remember Him after all the achievements and the success? Sedar tak sedar, setiap masa pun kita diuji, di kala sedih dan juga di kala kita gembira.

And...

"(Ingatlah), ketika kamu memohon pertolongan kepada Tuhanmu, lalu diperkenankan-Nya bagimu,"Sungguh Aku akan mendatangkan bala bantuan kepadamu dengan seribu malaikat yang datang berturut-turut." Dan tidaklah Allah menjadikannya melainkan sebagai kabar gembira agar hatimu menjadi tenteram kerananya. Dan kemenangan itu hanyalah dari sisi Allah. Sungguh, Allah Mahaperkasa, Mahabijaksana."
Al-Anfal, 8:9-10

Sweet kan Allah? Memberi kita kemenangan hanya kerana Dia tahu, kita gembira dengan kemenangan itu (setelah berusaha gila2)...

Oleh itu, ingatlah Allah pada setiap masa... =)



ps. blog akan hiatus... (walaupun sblm ni byk je hiatus2nya)

Wallahu'alam.

Pemergianmu membuatku sedih, rindu menggamit kalbu...
Seribu kesalan kerana tak dapat kuluahkan semuanya, tak mampu untuk melakukannya...
Gelak tawamu dan keceriaanmu akan sentiasa mengiringi perjalananku...
Ketabahanmu akan sentiasa kuingati.
Terima kasih kerana sentiasa menyokongku..

Aunt Goh Swee Moi
(1949-2009)

Salam wrt,
Bismillahirrahmanirrahim











Inilah dia kucing yang selalu dalam tajuk perbualan seharian kita, tidak kira di 8th floor atau di 9th floor atau di mana-mana sahaja. Ramai mengatakan mukanya penyek, mukanya garang, bulu lebat macam karpet, suka baring2 dgn position yg kurg sopan, busuk sbb tk mndi, karpet habis dicakar-cakarnya, mcm2 lagilah..

Tetapi walaupun org selalu mengatakan ttg dia, Bam bam inilah, Bam bam itulah... tetapi tetap ada org dtg menjenguknya... mungkin bagi mereka seekor kucing inilah pengubat hati mereka, menceriakan duka hati yang lara (chewah..!). Walaupun malas dan kadang-kadang tidak mahu melayan orang, tetapi keberadaannya dah cukup untuk menyejukkan hati. Cukup terharu juga bila dia bermiao dgn kuat sekali setiap pagi untuk mengejutkan org subuh... Jarang sekali mahu bermain, tetapi bila dia bermain, hati kita pula yang terasa riang... Suka pula pandang orang dengan mata besarnya dan muka kesiannya, sengaja mahu menagih simpati dan bermanja-manja.

Terfikir pula aku mengapalah makhluk sebegini diciptakan?

Isn't everything created in this world is for us humans? Ayam yang berkokok setiap pagi (kat Russia ni tak pernah pula jumpa, tapi teringatkan ayam di kampung), matahari yang bersinar di luar sana membuatkan org Russia yg depressed se depressed-depressednya pun happy, malam sebagai waktu rehat, org-org yg di sekeliling kita sebagai peneman hidup, pokok-pokok hijauan yg membekalkan O2 kpd kita dan mcm2 lg.. Allah itu kan sifatnya Al-Wahhab... memberi dan terus memberi.. tak pernah jemu memberi.. siang dan malam kita berdoa kepadaNya, tidak pula Dia jemu mendengarnya dan insyaAllah Dia akan kabulkan doa kita, Allah tak pernah pun memberi sesuatu yg tiada kegunaannya utk kita, memberi pula tanpa diminta... Rasa-rasanya, tak pernahlah pula kita minta seorang mak yang penyayang, baru Allah nak bagi, betul tak? Mak, sejak dari lahir sentiasa ada di sisi kita...

Actually, every single thing in this universe-if we just stop and ponder about it-has its own role and use and everything is not created just for fun, or just because He wants it there, He puts it there. And He creates all these for us. Just for us. In hopes that we use them the best we can, for the good.

"Dan jika kamu menghitung nikmat Allah, niscaya kamu tidak akan mampu menghitungnya. Sungguh, Allah benar-benar Maha Pengampun, Maha Penyayang." QS An-Nahl, 16:18

Is He not the Most Giving and the Most Loving?

"Yaitu orang-orang yang mengingat Allah sambil berdiri, duduk atau dalam keadaan berbaring, dan mereka memikirkan tentang penciptaan langit dan bumi (seraya berkata),"Ya Tuhan kami, tidaklah Engkau menciptakan semua ini sia-sia; Mahasuci Engkau, lindungilah kami dari azab neraka." QS Ali-'Imran, 3:191

ps.Rasa macam gambar tu tak bagi enough credit kat Bam bam. Serious muka dia tkdelah garang mcm ni...

Wallahu'alam.

Salam wrt,

Baru sudah lepas lecture Microbiology tadi (menjeling-jeling orang sebelah yang dgn muka gembiranya dan bisikan "yes!"nya selepas cikgu melepaskan kami pergi). Next week, kita jumpa lagi ya, Maianskii! (InsyaAllah).

Maianskii ni mengingatkan aku kepada byk org... atuk aku especially. Teringat bagaimana atuk aku masih boleh tersenyum dan gelak ketawa bersama cucu-cucunya dan cicit-cicitnya tanpa kedua-dua belah kakinya. Masih boleh berbual dan menanyakan tentang pelajaran kami walaupun menahan kesakitan dan menelan ubat yang bermacam-macam colour setiap hari. Tak terlihat pun kesedihannya jika seorang cicitnya takut kepadanya kerana tidak mempunyai kaki yang sempurna. Atuk sudah lama meninggalkan kami - 7 years to be exact - terasa amat sunyi setiap kali aku menjejakkan kaki di 9th floor, flat 38, tanglin halt st. Semoga roh Atuk dicucuri rahmat olehNya...

Maianskii pula tidak berputus asa dalam perjuangannya, walaupun diuji dgn dua kali stroke! Dia tetap datang ke kelas untuk mengajar murid-muridnya. Kalau ada sahaja yang tidak kami fahami, dia sentiasa bersedia utk terangkan semula.

Minggu ini, Maianskii bg lecture ttg immunity, mainly about vaccination. But i'm more interested in immunity itself. I've drawn up this conclusion (merely hypothetical):

Daie = immune to rejections.

Undoubtedly, we will face endless rejections or even worse; taunts, insults and whatnot. But what I've learned from my own mistakes and others' experiences (which are unmistakably, much more than what little adversity i've gone through) is that with every obstacle that we face, whether we are willing to or not, we certainly MUST develop our own immunity towards it. The rejections may keep on coming, obstacles will keep rolling down our way but all we have to do is have faith. Have faith that with each rejection and each obstacle we face, it is to strengthen us.

Let us take an example from Prophet Nuh. His da'wah went on for 950 years but no matter what he did, his people still rejected him. To the point where they plugged their ears with their own fingers and covered their faces each time Nuh came to meet them (they were "that" disgusted of Nuh). But he never once gave up his da'wah in that 950 years of his life.

Rasulullah himself was acquainted with plenty of rejections and not merely verbal ones, he was even beaten, thrown stones at, boycotted by his own beloved people. And with that too, he still continued his da'wah. I'm sure many of us know about Prophet Muhammad's journey to Taif, after he was badly beaten and taunted at, he rested under a tree. Adas (a helper in a farm) came up to him and gave him grapes. Before eating them, Rasulullah recited basmallah. Adas was surprised to hear him recite basmallah and said "Wallahi, that is not something usually said by the people around here." The Prophet then asked Adas,"Dear Adas, where are you from and what is your faith?" Adas said,"I am a Nazareth from Ninawai." Prophet Muhammad asked him again,"Do you come from the same place as Yunus bin Matta, the loyal servant of Allah?" "What do you know of Yunus bin Matta?", Adas asked. "He was a Prophet, as am I." And with that, spontaneously Adas hugged the Prophet and kissed his hands.

How subtle and delicate the way Muhammad pbuh touched Adas, even after he received such great torment from the people of Taif.

Such great strength and will. Muhammad pbuh was able to continue his dakwah in so many colourful ways.

If it were to be compared with us, terasa betapa kecilnya pengorbanan kita untuk Ad-Deen ini! Betapa ringannya bantahan dan tohmahan yang kita terima berbanding Rasulullah SAW! Tetapi acap kali apabila ajakan kita ditolak, kita murung dan sedih tak berkesudahan.

Always remember (a reminder to yours truly too) that with every rejection we face, shouldn't stop us from doing what we are doing. Bukan kita yang berkuasa untuk memberi hidayah kepada orang, kerja kita hanya mengajak... mengajak kembali kepada fitrah, mengajak kembali kepada Islam... the rest is all up to Him. Jika yang diajak itu tidak mahu menerima (setelah diajak dgn penuh sungguh-sungguh dan bercurah peluh keringat), yes, maybe we are entitled to feel a bit dejected tapi selepas itu kita harus bangun kembali, kita harus develop immunity towards rejection (atau apa2pun yang menjadi penghadang ketika kita berlari).

"Serulah (manusia) kepada jalan Tuhanmu dengan hikmah dan pengajaran yang baik, dan berdebatlah dengan mereka dengan cara yang baik. Sesungguhnya Tuhanmu, Dialah yang lebih mengetahui siapa yang sesat dari jalan-Nya dan Dialah yang lebih mengetahui siapa yang mendapat petunjuk."
An-Nahl, 16:125

ps. sambil tulis, sambil terasa kat diri sendiri... T_T

Wallahu'alam.

Sewaktu masih kecil Husain (cucu Rasulullah Saw.) bertaya kepada ayahnya, Sayidina Ali ra: "Apakah engkau mencintai Allah?" Ali ra menjawab, "Ya".

Lalu Husain bertanya lagi: "Apakah engkau mencintai atuk (Rasulullah SAW) dari Ibu?" Ali ra kembali menjawab, "Ya".

Husain bertanya lagi: "Apakah engkau mencintai Ibuku?" Lagi-lagi Ali menjawab,"Ya". Husain kecil kembali bertanya: "Apakah engkau mencintaiku?" Ali menjawab, "Ya".

Terakhir Si Husain yang masih kecil itu bertanya, "Ayahku, bagaimana engkau menyatukan begitu banyak cinta di hatimu?" Kemudian Sayidina Ali menjelaskan: "Anakku, pertanyaanmu hebat! Cintaku pada atuk dari ibumu (Nabi Saw.), ibumu (Fatimah ra) dan kepada kamu sendiri adalah kerena cinta kepada Allah".

Karena sesungguhnya semua cinta itu adalah cabang-cabang cinta kepada Allah Swt.

Comel kan?? =)

Salam wrt

Greetings of peace to all my brothers and sisters!

Afwan kerana sejak kebelakangan ini, banyak posts yang berbaur emosi... It's been a few tough weeks for me, and more tough weeks to come. But no matter what, perjalanan kehidupan mesti diteruskan sehinggalah dipanggil oleh Yang Maha Esa. Semoga setiap langkah yang kita ambil bukanlah sia-sia bahkan membawa kita lebih dekat kepadaNya, insyaAllah.

Ingin aku ceritakan sebuah kisah yang berlaku dahulu.
Tetapi sebelum itu, aku ingin mengungkap semula firman Allah SWT,

"Teman-teman akrab pada hari itu saling bermusuhan satu sama lain, kecuali mereka yang bertaqwa." (Az-Zukhruf, 43:67)

Tersebutlah suatu kisah terdahulu terdapat seorang ni yang sgt kuat beribadah... Orang lain takkan kenalnya melainkan melalui ibadah yang dia lakukan. Jumpa je-tgh beribadah... Jumpe lagi-masih beribadah... Jumpe siang dan malam pun tekun beribadah. Namanya Al-Qis. Pada suatu hari, Al-Qis bertemu dengan Salamah (mungkin tidak tepat jika dikatakan bertemu dengannya, tetapi bertemu dengan suaranya) and for the first time, Al-Qis sangat kagum pada Salamah (suaranya). Salamah merupakan hamba seorang pemuda Quraisy. Pemuda Quraisy tersebut mengajak Al-Qis masuk ke rumahnya dan mendengar nyanyian Salamah.

Mula-mulanya Al-Qis tak nak tetapi setelah dipujuk rayu oleh pemuda Quraisy itu, Al-Qis pun menerima. Tetapi Al-Qis berkata,"Janganlah kau letakkan aku di tempat yang aku boleh melihat wanita itu dan wanita itu juga melihat aku!"

Al-Qis pun terus menikmati suara Salamah sehingga satu hari tuan Salamah menyuruh Al-Qis membawa Salamah ke rumahnya. Pada mulanya, Al-Qis tidak mahu tetapi lama-kelamaan, Al-Qis pun membawa Salamah ke rumahnya.

Dan perasaan cinta mulalah berputik di antara mereka berdua sehingga seluruh penduduk Mekah mengetahui perihal mereka berdua.

Sehinggalah suatu hari mereka hampir-hampir sahaja hendak bersentuhan, Al-Qis sempat menghalang dirinya sendiri. Al-Qis berkata,"Sesungguhnya, aku mendengar Allah berfirman: 'Teman-teman akrab pada hari itu saling bermusuhan satu sama lain, kecuali mereka yang bertaqwa.' Aku tidak mahu persahabatan kita berubah menjadi permusuhan di akhirat nanti."

Salamah pula berkata,"Adakah engkau kira bahawa Tuhanmu tidak akan menerima taubat kita apabila kita bertaubat kepadaNya?"

"Benar, namun aku merasa tidak aman jika kematian itu datang kepadaku secara tiba-tiba."

Al-Qis pun bangun berlinangan air matanya dan meninggalkan Salamah dan selama hidupnya tidak pernah berjumpa dengannya lagi.

(Adapted from "Kisah-kisah Para Pencari Tuhan")

Cinta merupakan fitrah manusia. Namun, adakah kita mahu cinta dunia atau cinta hakiki, cinta Allah? Ingatlah, segala cinta kita untuk manusia itu hanya merupakan satu cabang daripada cinta Allah yang Maha Besar.







"Aku cinta kepada siapa yang mengenal kami dengan kurnia-kurniaNya dan aku mencintai siapa yang mencintai kami dengan nikmat-nikmatNya. Dia datang kepada kita dengan membawa pemberianNya yang melimpah ruah, tidak terbatas. Dia sangat dekat sekali dengan hati-hati manusia dan mengabulkan segala permohonan. Dia dinamai dengan nama-nama yang indah, Dia memerintahkan untuk memohon kepadaNya. Sungguh Dia Maha Bijaksana lagi Maha Mulia, Maha Dekat lagi Maha Mengabulkan."

Wallahu'alam.

Salam wrt,









(O Allah! Verily, I seek refuge with You from weakness, laziness, senility (of old age), cowardliness, stinginess and the torment of the grave. O Allah! Give my soul its good and purify it, for You are the best to purify it. You are its Guardian and Master. O Allah! Verily, I seek refuge with You from a heart that is not humble, a soul that is not satisfied, knowledge that does not benefit and a supplication that is not answered.)

Ya ukhti,
Aku bukanlah ingin memarahi atau mengaibkanmu,
Niat di hati bukanlah begitu,
Tetapi ingin aku luahkan selama ini
apa yang terbuku di hati.

Ya ukhti,
Kau lihat aku sentiasa tersenyum,
Sentiasa gelak ketawa ketika bersamamu,
Mungkin kau anggap aku sentiasa begitu,
Gembira tanpa kerisauan seperti namaku.

Aku juga punya kerisauan
Aku juga punya kesedihan,
Aku juga punya perasaan.

Aku tahu kau juga punya semua itu,
Tapi ya ukhti,
Satu sahaja yang aku minta,
Agar kau memahami bukan kau sahaja yang merasai itu semua.

Kau lihat aku tersenyum,
Tetapi mungkin kau juga tahu
Di sebalik senyuman terdapat seribu kebarangkalian,
Terhadap apa yang aku sembunyikan.

Jangan fikirkan tentang kesedihan dan kerisauanmu sahaja,
Jangan tenggelam dalam dirimu sendiri sahaja,
Lihat di sebelahmu, ukhti
Aku di sini sentiasa memerhatikanmu,
Walau terkadang aku lalai
Untuk bertanyakan tentang hatimu.

Lihat di sebelahmu, ukhti
Aku tahu aku punya kelemahan,
Terkadang aku juga sedih, marah, kecewa,
Bukankah itu semua fitrahku?
Tapi percayalah,
Aku juga mahu bersamamu
Memegang panji-panji jihad
Terus berlari ke arah Yang Satu
Janganlah dikau berpaling ke belakang dan menangisinya
Yakinlah semua yang telah terjadi
Adalah yang terbaik untuk kau dan aku.
Paculah kehadapan
Mungkin kita akan terjatuh bukan hanya sekali
Tetapi
Lihatlah di sebelahmu, ukhti
Akan sentiasa ada tangan untuk membantumu bangun kembali

"Bersiap dan berbuatlah, jangan menunggu datangnya esok hari, kerana bisa jadi
engkau tidak bisa berbuat apa-apa di esok hari.
Kita memang harus menunggu putaran waktu itu, tetapi kita tidak boleh berhenti.
Kita harus terus berbuat dan terus melangkah, kerana kita memang tidak mengenal
kata "berhenti" dalam berjihad."
-Syed Qutb

ps. luahan hati dek kerana beberapa peristiwa yang berlaku.

maaf atas segala kesalahan.

wallahu'alam.

Salam wrt

By Rascal Flatts

I hope the days come easy and the moments pass slow,
And each road leads you where you wanna go,
And if you're faced with a choice, and you have to choose,
I hope you choose the one that means the most to you.
And if one door opens to another door closed,
I hope you keep on walkin' till you find the window,
If it's cold outside, show the world the warmth of your smile.
But more than anything, more than anything...

My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.

I hope you never look back, but you never forget,
All the ones who love you and the place you left,
I hope you always forgive, and you never regret,
And you help somebody every chance you get,
Oh, you find God's grace, in every mistake,
And always give more than you take.

My wish for you, you and you... =D

Give us strength
in our time of need
especially now
especially when she has lost all hope
especially when she needs it most
we can help her, insyaAllah
we can say all the words in the world
we can stay awake with her during the night
during the day
we can hold her, we can look her in the eyes
and tell her everything will be ok
but without You
without You, Ya Rabbuna
all efforts will be useless.
we haven't lost all hope
we know there will be that glitter of sunshine at the end of it all
but now Ya Allah,
please don't let us become weak
we need the strength for ourselves
and for her.
we need the patience
we need the spirit
we need You, Ya Allah
no one but You.

i feel sad, angry, guilty, disappointed, tired.
but most of all i feel hopeful.

ps. doakan kami di kala badai ini.

wallahu'alam.

Salam wrt,

Dear readers... This is a poem written by Gihad Ali. Perhaps the words sound familiar to you? It's the song sang and rapped by Outlandish, with fewer words. Gihad Ali is a Palestinian who is now living in Chicago. She wrote this poem during her teenage years... For the umpteenth time this week, terkena penangan lagi. I've wasted my teen years being cradled by fantasies, living in the bubble of my own world and yet someone at my own age and younger, even... can write something that moved me to tears. Yes, I know many have written endless accounts about Palestine. But this one moved me.

Eye to Eye by Gihad Ali

Look into my eyes
And tell me what you see.
You don't see a damn thing,
'cause you can't possibly relate to me.

You're blinded by our differences.
My life makes no sense to you.
I'm the persecuted Palestinian.
You're the American red, white and blue.

Each day you wake in tranquility,
No fears to cross your eyes.
Each day I wake in gratitude,
Thanking God He let me rise.

You worry about your education
And the bills you have to pay.
I worry about my vulnerable life
And if I'll survive another day.

Your biggest fear is getting ticketed
As you cruise your Cadillac.
My fear is that the tank that just left
Will turn around and come back.

American, do you realize,
That the taxes that you pay
Feed the forces that traumatize
My every living day?

The bulldozers and the tanks,
The gases and the guns,
The bombs that fall outside my door,
All due to American funds.

Yet do you know the truth
Of where your money goes?
Do you let your media deceive your mind?
Is this a truth that no one knows?

You blame me for defending myself
Against the ways of Zionists.
I'm terrorized in my own land
And I'm the terrorist?

You think you know all about terrorism
But you don't know it the way I do,
So let me define the term for you,
And teach you what you thought you knew.

I've known terrorism for quite some time,
Fifty-five years and more.
It's the fruitless garden uprooted in my yard.
It's the bulldozer in front of my door.

Terrorism breathes the air I breathe.
It's the checkpoint on my way to school.
It's the curfew that jails me in my own home,
And the penalties of breaking that curfew rule.

Terrorism is the robbery of my land,
And the torture of my mother,
The imprisonment of my innocent father,
The bullet in my baby brother.

So American, don't tell me you know about
The things I feel and see.
I'm terrorized in my own land
And the blame is put on me.

But I will not rest, I shall never settle
For the injustice my people endure.
Palestine is our land and there we'll remain
Until the day our homeland is secure.

And if that time shall never come,
Then we will never see a day of peace.
I will not be thrown from my own home,
Nor will my fight for justice cease.

And if I am killed, it will be in Falasteen.
It's written on my every breath.
So in your own patriotic words,
Give me liberty or give me death.

And another one, "I am not a Palestinian"

Salam wrt,

i still remember those days
when the organ was playing
and the sounds of violin smoothly moves in the music
the typewriter blends in with the orchestra
those days when we were carefree
those days when we were light with few responsibilities on our shoulder
those days when we could laugh and sing all day
those days
those days
maybe you and i are on different paths
maybe you and i have diverged most profoundly
but remember, my friends...
ties of sisterhood do not break
so long as we still hold on to Him
so long as we still grasp the handhold that binds us with Allah
yes, our paths may be different
but our end is certain
our goal is the same
if we do not see each other again
if we are not able to hear the sounds of philharmonic again
just be sure of this
and believe
and have faith in this
that we will meet in the afterlife
insyaAllah holding hands
under the trees of jannah
listening to the sounds of philharmonic.

ps. it was dedicated to one of my friends but now, i'd like to share it with all my sisters.. =)
pps. i like listening to orchestra, the one i first listened to with my friend was when we were still in high school. the theme of the orchestra was "human and machine" hence the typewriter.
ppps. missing jaulah syitawiyah '09 very much...

maafkan segala kesilapan, segala keterlaluan, segala apa yang meninggalkan guris dihati.

moga kita bersua lagi, insyaAllah... =)

Salam wrt

Alhamdulillah, segala puji ke hadratNya..

"Good luck to you in your life (strangely, I heard "love"... but maybe it was beause of her accent). Now you can get married!" Larisa said happily and hugged us all... It was funny in a way. It was like we were doing a group hug of some sort.

It's one of our inside joke; that anyone who passes the Anatomy exam (or the "Red Carpet" exam) can get married. License to Marry, I call it. =P

Anyway, aside from our post-exam season (I can finally breathe without the weight of sapin textbooks on my shoulder)... a friend of mine gave this to me.. Jzkk, it really made my day. =)

A letter from a Christian to Muslim women

March 7th, 2007
By Joanna Francis
Writer, Journalist - USA

Between the Israeli assault on Lebanon and the Zionist “war on terror,” the Muslim world is now center stage in every American home. I see the carnage, death and destruction that have befallen Lebanon, but I also see something else: I see you. I can’t help but notice that almost every woman I see is carrying a baby or has children around her. I see that though they are dressed modestly, their beauty still shines through. But it’s not just outer beauty that I notice. I also notice that I feel something strange inside me: I feel envy. I feel terrible for the horrible experiences and war crimes that the Lebanese people have suffered, being targeted by our common enemy. But I can’t help but admire your strength, your beauty, your modesty, and most of all, your happiness.

Yes, it’s strange, but it occurred to me that even under constant bombardment, you still seemed happier than we are, because you were still living the natural lives of women. The way women have always lived since the beginning of time. It used to be that way in the West until the 1960s, when we were bombarded by the same enemy. Only we were not bombarded with actual munitions, but with subtle trickery and moral corruption.

Through Temptation

They bombarded us Americans from Hollywood, instead of from fighter jets or with our own American-made tanks. They would like to bomb you in this way too, after they’ve finished bombing the infrastructure of your countries. I do not want this to happen to you. You will feel degraded, just like we do. You can avoid this kind of bombing if you will kindly listen to those of us who have already suffered serious casualties from their evil influence. Because everything you see coming out of Hollywood is a pack of lies, a distortion of reality, smoke and mirrors. They present casual sex as harmless recreation because they aim to destroy the moral fabric of the societies into which they beam their poisonous programming. I beg you not to drink their poison. There is no antidote for it once you have consumed it. You may recover partially, but you will never be the same. Better to avoid the poison altogether than to try to heal from the damage it causes.

They will try to tempt you with their titillating movies and music videos, falsely portraying us American women as happy and satisfied, proud of dressing like prostitutes, and content without families. Most of us are not happy, trust me. Millions of us are on anti-depressant medication, hate our jobs, and cry at night over the men who told us they loved us, then greedily used us and walked away. They would like to destroy your families and convince you to have fewer children. They do this by presenting marriage as a form of slavery, motherhood as a curse, and being modest and pure as old-fashioned. They want you to cheapen yourself and lose your faith. They are like the Serpent tempting Eve with the apple. Don’t bite.

Self-Value

I see you as precious gems, pure gold, or the “pearl of great value” spoken of in the Bible (Matthew 13: 45). All women are pearls of great value, but some of us have been deceived into doubting the value of our purity. Jesus said: “Give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn again and rend you” (Matthew 7: 6). Our pearls are priceless, but they convince us that they’re cheap. But trust me; there is no substitute for being able to look in the mirror and seeing purity, innocence and self-respect staring back at you.

The fashions coming out of the Western sewer are designed to make you believe that your most valuable asset is your sexuality. But your beautiful dresses and veils are actually sexier than any Western fashion, because they cloak you in mystery and show self-respect and confidence. A woman’s sexuality should be guarded from unworthy eyes, since it should be your gift to the man who loves and respects you enough to marry you. And since your men are still manly warriors, they deserve no less than your best. Our men don’t even want purity anymore. They don’t recognize the pearl of great value, opting for the flashy rhinestone instead. Only to leave her too!

Your most valuable assets are your inner beauty, your innocence, and everything that makes you who you are. But I notice that some Muslim women push the limit and try to be as Western as possible, even while wearing a veil (with some of their hair showing). Why imitate women who already regret, or will soon regret, their lost virtue? There is no compensation for that loss. You are flawless diamonds. Don’t let them trick you into becoming rhinestones. Because everything you see in the fashion magazines and on Western television is a lie. It is Satan’s trap. It is fool’s gold.

A Woman’s Heart

I’ll let you in on a little secret, just in case you’re curious: pre-marital sex is not even that great. We gave our bodies to the men we were in love with, believing that that was the way to make them love us and want to marry us, just as we had seen on television growing up. But without the security of marriage and the sure knowledge that he will always stay with us, it’s not even enjoyable! That’s the irony. It was just a waste. It leaves you in tears.

Speaking as one woman to another, I believe that you understand that already. Because only a woman can truly understand what’s in another woman’s heart. We really are all alike. Our race, religion or nationalities do not matter. A woman’s heart is the same everywhere. We love. That’s what we do best. We nurture our families and give comfort and strength to the men we love. But we American women have been fooled into believing that we are happiest having careers, our own homes in which to live alone, and freedom to give our love away to whomever we choose. That is not freedom. And that is not love.

Only in the safe haven of marriage can a woman’s body and heart be safe to love. Don’t settle for anything less. It’s not worth it. You won’t even like it and you’ll like yourself even less afterwards. Then he’ll leave you.

Self-Denial

Sin never pays. It always cheats you. Even though I have reclaimed my honor, there’s still no substitute for having never been dishonored in the first place. We Western women have been brainwashed into thinking that you Muslim women are oppressed. But truly, we are the ones who are oppressed; slaves to fashions that degrade us, obsessed with our weight, begging for love from men who do not want to grow up. Deep down inside, we know that we have been cheated.

We secretly admire and envy you, although some of us will not admit it. Please do not look down on us or think that we like things the way they are. It’s not our fault. Most of us did not have fathers to protect us when we were young because our families have been destroyed. You know who is behind this plot.

Don’t be fooled, my sisters. Don’t let them get you too. Stay innocent and pure. We Christian women need to see what life is really supposed to be like for women. We need you to set the example for us, because we are lost. Hold onto your purity.
Remember: you can’t put the toothpaste back in the tube. So guard your “toothpaste” carefully!

I hope you receive this advice in the spirit in which it is intended: the spirit of friendship, respect, and admiration. From your Christian sister with love.

Hope you enjoy reading this as much as I did... =)

Wallahu'alam.

We keep asking where are the others?
Where is Salahuddin Al-Ayyubi and his victory during the Al-Hittin?
We keep waiting for the army
We keep searching for the people
To finally free Al-Quds
Days, weeks, months, years pass
And nothing...
We keep blaming others
Why aren't they helping?
Why are they still staring and waiting?
But we fail to look inside ourselves
And find the real cause
We are the reason there ain't others
Allah tests this ummah again and again
And yet... nothing
We stand at the sidelines
Watching our brothers and sisters on the field
Not marching with pride
But crawling and seething in pain
And yet we ask ourselves, "where are the others?"
Who else is there besides us?

"And what is [the matter] with you that you fight not in the cause of Allah and [for] the oppressed among men, women, and children who say, "Our Lord, take us out of this city of oppressive people and appoint for us from Yourself a protector and appoint for us from Yourself a helper?" (4:75)

Victory doesn't stand on our side so long as we do not deserve it.

Salam wrt

Rasa seperti lama sudah aku meninggalkan jihad pena.
Rasa juga seperti keringanan untuk bertahajjud di malam hari semakin pudar; keindahan dan kesunyian di malam hari telah diisi dengan bertimbunnya fikiran dengan peperiksaan akan datang.
Masih juga lalai dengan kehidupan dunia.
Masih juga ditutup dengan kekaratan jahiliyah.

Hmm... aku sedar betapa lemahnya aku.

Selang beberapa hari yang lalu, my friend asked a sister, "Is it okay to be scared of exams?"

"Yes, why not?"

Dengan ketakutanlah, datangnya semangat untuk berusaha dengan lebih. Dengan ketakutanlah, kita lebih bergantung kepadaNya. Tetapi itulah, semakin hari semakin terasa sempitnya waktu, hinggakan ada sahaja yang ternampak gusar dek kedatangannya. Hinggakan ada juga yang tidak dapat fokus dalam solat, memikirkan banyak lagi tajuk2 yang belum di'cover' lagi. Kalau pada waktu biasa pun sukar untuk khusyu', inikan lagi waktu yang genting seperti ini.

I think it is during these difficult times that we tend to push Him aside. We keep thinking of how in the world are we going to finish study so many topics in such little time? We sleep with a book next to us, we drink and eat while a book is propped open next to us, everywhere we go we want a book to be right there next to us. Heck, if during prayers if it was possible, we'd feel so much better just looking at the cover while praying. But aren't we forgetting something?

Books don't determine our success. Books don't give us the knowledge... If we were to read a single book for 10 whole years, if Allah says no, then we might not get anything beneficial from reading the same book for 10 years.

Bukankah semuanya datang dari Allah? Yes, of course Allah is not the one who wrote our Sapin textbook or Lippincott's Biochemistry but believe it or not... all the knowledge that we learn our whole life comes from Him.

But why do we still depend on books? Bukan ingin mengatakan bahawa usaha itu tidak penting, bahkan usaha itulah yang paling penting sekali!

"Dan bahwa manusia hanya memperoleh apa yang telah diusahakannya, Dan kelak usahanya itu akan diperlihatkan kepadanya, Kemudian akan diberi balasan kepadanya dengan balasan yang sempurna" (An-Najm; 53:39-41)

Tetapi yang ingin diperkatakan di sini, janganlah sampai usaha itu memendekkan waktu solat, menghilangkan keindahan malam untuk beribadah kepadaNya, mempersedikitkan waktu untukNya dan terkadang lupakan masa bersamaNya.

Segala usaha perlulah disertai dengan tawakkal kepadaNya. Usaha dan tawakkal itu berjalan seiring, janganlah pisahkannya.

Ingatlah, bukan buku-buku yang memberi kita kejayaan, tetapi Allah sahaja yang memberi kita kejayaan.
Ingatlah, segalanya telah ditentukan... Tinggal usaha kita sahaja yang Allah hendak lihat.

Berusahalah, dan berdoalah kepadaNya. Nescaya kedua-duanya menjadi senjatamu.

Just a reminder... for myself and for all.. =)

ps. Doakan kami yang akan menghadapi exam Histology dan Anatomy...

Wallahu'alam.