Min Qolbi

"Verily in the remembrance of God do hearts find rest." (13:28)


I can't believe that my last post was in 2012! It has been almost 5 years since I last ventured into writing. These creative juices haven't been flowing for a very long time.

Long story short, I've completed my housemanship, got married and now 6 weeks postpartum with my first child, a beautiful daughter whom we've decided to name Aufa Safiyya.

Alhamdulillah, alhamdulillah, alhamdulillah.

Being a mother and a first-timer at that, it was a roller-coaster ride for me.The first few weeks was very difficult for me. But I want to share from the beginning (since Aufa is asleep, i have 1-2 hours to myself).

I started my maternity leave at approximately 36 weeks POA (period of amenorrhea), at 9 months pregnant. Mostly because I wanted to deliver back at home and had to take a flight back so I decided to somewhat glitch my way a few days after the 34-35 weeks limit to most flights because I didn't want to waste my 90 days maternity leave.

My days at home were mostly routine for the last 4 weeks or so before my labor started. I woke up in the morning, went for walks at the park or swimming and rested for most of the time. I started shopping and arranging things at home in preparation for the day. I became quite emotional at the end of my pregnancy (I blame it on the surge of hormones).

So the last appointment with my O&G was at 39 weeks 5 days on Friday 18/11/2016. Just a routine one actually. My pregnancy was uneventful, I didn't even have morning sickness alhamdulillah. The thing was, during the antenatal scan, my O&G discovered that my liquor was reduced (read: Oligohydramnios). AFI was only 5! But I didn't have any leaking or rupture of membranes which was quite surprising to me and her. "I think you have to be admitted tonight and tomorrow we'll induce you, ok?"

Let me tell you, even being in the medical field this was like a bombshell just dropped onto me. I was shocked out of my wits! Being like the typical, emotional pregnant patient, I asked her can we just do it on Monday or Sunday. I wasn't ready for an induction.Of course she said no. So she did one CTG, I went home, packed my bags, ate my heart out and went back to the hospital at 9pm.

The next morning, another CTG was done, she examined me and said that my cervix was actually open 2-3cm. I even had contractions (shown by the CTG - I didn't feel them). So no prostin (a pill inserted into your vagina to kickstart contractions) for me, she ruptured my membranes artificially and started the oxytocin infusion.

I didn't request for an epidural when she offered because at the time, I was so confident that I could handle the pain. Boy was I wrong. So wrong! Contractions became excruciating at 11-ish am. I was already sweating and dancing on the bed with the CTG strapped to my belly. I kept asking to go to the toilet, begging the nurse and my O&G to free me of the CTG and the IV line. I didn't care how I looked, I was just trying to bear down the pain. Alhamdulillah, my mother was with me the whole time. She had to endure my strong grip on her hands when the contractions came. I didn't even let her go out of the room out of my sight!
My husband arrived around 2pm. At 3.40pm, my cervix was fully dilated so they converted my bed to a labour bed and started encouraging me. I tried pushing for 45-50 minutes. And I finally delivered my beautiful baby girl at 4.25pm on the 19/11/2016, vacuum-assissted. I realised, pushing out a baby out of you wasn't as easy as it looks.

I was discharged the next day in the evening alhamdulillah.

So that was my labor story.

An unforgettable experience. I'm not ready for another one yet, maybe in another 4-5 years. Haha. Pray for us ok.

Aufa at Day 40



Allah telah menuliskan semuanya; setiap detik perjalanan kita, setiap langkah yang diambil... Dan di situlah tarbiahnya, di situlah hikmahnya yang perlu kita cari; cari seperti ia sangat bernilai dan berharga bagai mencari mutiara-mutiara dalam lautan yang terbentang luas buat kita, cari seperti nyawa kita bergantung padanya. Dan di ketika itulah, hati kita terbuka - seluas-luasnya untuk menerima hidayah Allah dan mendakap cinta dan kasihNya.

Dan pada saat itu, Allah ketemukan kita dengan jiwa-jiwa hambaNya yang mengingatkan kita kembali kepadaNya, yang Allah utus jiwa-jiwanya kepada kita; untuk menyentuh hati-hati kita semula dan menghangatkan rasa dinginnya yang telah lama membeku dalam hati.

Mungkin tidak lama, mungkin masa kita bersama hanya seketika dan tak sesignifikan mana - selepas makan, menunggu untuk solat - bahkan jika dilihat dari jauh terasa seperti perbualan-perbualan biasa yang selalu dituturkan oleh orang kebanyakan. Namun di selang waktu-waktu itu, hatiku disentuh semula, dihidupkan apinya setelah sekian lama mula malap dengan arus waktu, di dalam hatiku, kuamati setiap bait kata-katamu dan entah mengapa pada waktu itu, hatiku dengan mudah menerimanya dan dengan mudah mengalirkan airmata. Ukhti, mungkin kita baru sahaja berkenalan, mungkin perkenalan kita tidak sedalam mana dan mungkin juga pada hari ini terasa seperti hari-hari yang biasa tetapi subhanAllah mungkin Allah telah mengutusmu untukku dan akhawat di sini untuk mengingatkan kembali mengapa kita berada di sini, di ketika ini, bersama kafilah ini.

Buat akhawatku di mana sahaja kamu berada, jangan pernah kamu sesali jalanmu ini, jangan pernah kamu sesali keberadaanmu di sini. Hatimu telah Allah sentuh dan sentak sekian banyak kalinya lewat murobbi-murobbi yang senantiasa tekun dan tidak putus-putus asa mentarbiah dan sahabat-sahabat di sekelilingmu yang tidak pernah jemu dan penat untuk menasihatimu dan berada di sampingmu walau sepahit dan sesukar mana perjalanan hidupmu. Ikatan ini bukan hanya ikatan keduniaan, bilamana ia akan terputus kerana sudah tiada lagi manfaat yang dapat diberikan. Ikatan ini bukan ikatan kebangsaan, yang hanya wujud kerana warna kulit yang sama atau tempat lahir yang sama. Ikatan ini adalah ikatan tasbih Allah, yang setiap butir tasbihnya melengkapi satu sama lain. Tanpa satupun butir tasbih itu, maka tidak lengkaplah tasbih itu.

Mungkin kita menyangka bahawa keberadaan kita tidak penting, tidak mendatangkan manfaat apa-apa pada dakwah ini. Mungkin kita merasa bahawa jika kita tidak menghadirkan diri dalam perkumpulan-perkumpulan seperti ini, banyak lagi perkara-perkara yang boleh kita lakukan untuk menggantinya.

Dengan rendah hatinya, dengan penuh kasih sayang padamu, aku katakan tidak, ukhti. Kamu tidak akan mendapatkan perkumpulan-perkumpulan ini sejauh mana kamu mencari di lautan dunia ini. Kerana di setiap saat bersama, di setiap pelukan dan sentuhan, dosa-dosa kita diampuni oleh Allah! Kerana di setiap saat bersama, kekuatan kita akan terus bertambah dan bertambah! Kerana di setiap saat bersama, ikatan sesama kita dan ikatan kita dengan Allah akan diperkukuhkan lagi!

Dan percayalah, dan imanilah bahawa jika kita tidak mengambil peluang ini dan menggenggamnya sekuat hati, maka kita akan diganti oleh orang lain.

"Maka jika kamu berpaling, maka sungguh, aku telah menyampaikan kepadamu apa yang menjadi tugasku sebagai rasul kepadamu. Dan Tuhanku akan mengganti kamu dengan kaum yang lain, sedang kamu tidak dapat mendatangkan mudarat kepadaNya sedikit pun. Sesungguhnya Tuhanku Maha pemelihara segala sesuatu."

Al-Hud, 11:57

Genggam eratlah nikmat dan hidayah yang telah Allah kurniakan kepadamu. Peganglah sekuat-kuatnya islam yang telah dikurniakan kepadamu. Dan ingatlah bila islam itu sampai kepada kita, kongsikanlah ia bersama yang lain! Kerana ia telah dikongsikan bersama kita pada awalnya.

S.H.A.R.E. = Saya Harap Allah REdha

Uhibbukunna fillah,

Bint Fadhil.


salam wrt,

there is a fine line between routine and actually doing something all out with your heart and soul. you might be doing both of them with all the strength you can possibly muster, you might be doing them at a seemingly impressive way as though you own it. but beware, those two carry different consequences.

the former; you'll probably end up with fatigue and unsatisfaction at the end of the day. the latter; you'll probably feel as if the whole world conspired to help you in doing whatever it is you're doing and thus with it, satisfaction comes along.

and what discriminates them from each other is your intention.

don't make a routine out of something magnificient Allah has granted you the opportunity to do. don't make a routine of of it just because you have been doing it for years now. don't make a routine of it because you think that's the only way you should be doing it.

the gift you have in your hands is something not to be routinized. get your intentions straight and start doing it the right way - "un"routinely as you possibly can. Remember Him every step of the way.

why do i feel so bashed up after reading my own entry?? urgh, it's not really a good feeling. means i have to do more than what i actually write.

and again, it goes back to our intentions. that's why it's the first hadith in An-Nawawi.

a short entry before continuing "de"routinizing my routine. =)



salam wrt,

alhamdulillah, i've passed paediatrics. And one more to go, inshaAllah...

sorry for the prolonged absence; i always have something to write, but i can't seem to finish writing it. Probably because i don't spend enough time for it. i'll be having another exam this friday, inshaAllah (Epidemiology) but since i have this little spare time on my hands, i'd like to write something before i continue my usual exam routine (sleep, study, eat, study, sleep). it really is a miracle how i can keep up this routine for one whole week now, i think my time is better managed than my other usual days.

this time in Nizhniy, it is extremely cold. we had quite a surprise with the warm winter in the beginning but well, knowing Russia.. we're back to our old -15°C to -20°C winter.

anyways, i've always thought that to gain a new habit is not really hard. you just pick a habit and just start doing it. but now, it is proven (mostly by my own humble and little experience) that not only is it difficult to take up a new habit, it is much much more difficult to keep doing it and continue doing it. well, for example, you might want to try to pace up on your Quran reading and at first, you were really enthusiastic about it, you even try putting it up on your schedule for one hour per day just for Quran and as time goes by, you start getting busier with work/studies/family, you just lose the enthusiasm you had earlier and begin compromising it.

and as much as our other habits that we try to continue doing, we find ourselves always in the brink of exhaustion and giving up. either it's because we are too occupied with something else or we lost the "spirit" we had and slowly we sink back to our old self. we get tired trying, we get tired just thinking about trying. and at first we might feel bad about it - getting fed up and tired, losing the spirit (baca: semangat/himmah) - but then as time goes by, we feel comfortable about not getting up and trying again, almost at peace with ourselves and the condition we're in.

and to tell you the truth, honest i-swear-to-tell-nothing-but-the-truth, that is the worst part. feeling at ease that you're not trying or striving to become better. because...

"We have certainly created man into hardship. "

- Al-Balad, 90:4

it is in the nature that Allah has created us with hardship along with it. as long as we breathe, as long as our soul and body are united - hardships, trials and tribulations - will always be part and parcel of our life.

"[He] who created death and life to test you [as to] which of you is best in deed - and He is the Exalted in Might, the Forgiving"

- Al-Mulk, 67:2

So, whenever we are faced with any obstacles, instead of asking,"Why me, why am i always the one to get in trouble, it's like trouble has my name written all over it?" Ask ourselves,"Why not?" Allah has created us, granted us with many pleasures, given us everything we could and could not think of; it is just natural that in His Position and Power to take everything back because it is not ours to begin with.

But, despair not!

"For indeed, with hardship [will be] ease. Indeed, with hardship [will be] ease."

Ash-Sharh, 94:5-6

Whenever we feel like giving up, at the brink of the mountain, just wanting to jump down, first of all, don't jump! and ponder for a moment that with every struggle we face, with every trials we go through, we will not reach the end of the dark, unlit, tunnel alone, we will not face a dead end. Because there is always hope for the doers of good. The nature that Allah shows us every single day - at the dawn of a new day, the narrow, fine line at the horizon slowly rising up to the sky and alas, the sun with all its brilliance and might that Allah created it with - that there is always hope for us.

After the darkness and uncertainty of the night, the sun shines again to tell us that hope is always there. He is always there. Allah is always there. For us. For you and me.

"And those who strive for Us - We will surely guide them to Our ways. And indeed, Allah is with the doers of good."

-Al-Ankabut, 29:69

Taking up a habit of doing good and becoming better; there is an unspoken rule that trials and tribulations will come along with it. But mashaAllah, if we just believe and have faith, du'a, du'a and du'a, and always remind ourselves and others as well that there is a better, much much much better, hundreds trillion times better, the-world-is-like-a-part-of-a-mosquito's-wing-compared-to-jannah better, we will face the trials and hardships and be rewarded with something much greater than that, biiznillah.

Because hardships don't last forever. Jannah does.


~a reminder to myself before everyone else, inshaAllah.

Yang terhormat ustaz Hassan al-Banna,

Assalamualaikum wbth,

Apakah anda pernah mendengar tentang lelaki tanpa hati? Maaf, jika hati yang dimaksudkan adalah salah satu anggota tubuh dari daging yang berwarna merah, yang menarik dan melepaskan darahnya, tentu saja lelaki itu memilikinya. Yang dengannya dia dapat hidup & menjalani kehidupannya. Akan tetapi hati yang bersemangat, kuat & hidup, sayang sekali dia tidak memilikinya

Dia mengetahui kebaikan meskipun kecil, dia juga mengetahui keburukan meski pun samar-samar. Seringkali dia benar2 merasai & memahami perilaku seseorang dari wajahnya & dapat memberi respon terhadap hal itu. Akan tetapi, dia tidak memiliki hati.

Ketika bertemu dengan teman lamanya yang sudah lama tidak bersua, dia bersalam lalu menggenggam tangannya kuat, bahkan memeluknya. Namun hatinya, tetap beku, sama sekali tidak terpengaruh. Dia memberi nasihat kepada orang lain, "Jadilah kalian begini & jadilah kalian begitu", serta menyebutkan pelbagai dalil & bukti, namun hatinya semakin keras & tidak terpengaruh.

Dia tersenyum kala mendengar berita gembira. Dia juga mengerutkan dahi saat menerima berita duka.Akan tetapi, kegembiraan & kesedihannya hanyalah reaksi semula jadi semata, sedangkan hatinya tetap diam & tidak bergoncang. Dia menyatakan cinta & benci kepada seseorang. Tetapi ketika melihat hatinya, ia tetap diam tanpa memberi penjelasan. Dia berdiri menunaikan solat & berusaha khusyuk, membaca al-Quran & berusaha menumpukan perhatiannya. Ketika menunaikan solat, dia membaca bacaan solat dengan nadanya sehingga orang-orang pun berkata, "Dia itu khusyuk nampaknya." Akan tetapi ketika meraba hatinya, dia mendapatinya tuli & tidak khusyuk, walaupun memahami apa yang dibaca. Ini adalah gambaran sebenar yang terjadi pada hati lelaki itu.

Saya tidak melebih-lebihkan atau menguranginya. Menurut anda, apakah anda dapat mengatakan bahawa hatinya sama seperti kebiasaan hati orang-orang lain? Saya dianugerahi akal tetapi hati saya hilang. Saya merasakan akal fikiran saya cerdas berfikir, bekerja, hidup & menunjukkan kewujudannya. Akan tetapi, ketika saya ingin menghayati semua itu pada hati saya, sama sekali saya tidak menjumpainya. Saat ini, anda telah mendengar tentang seseorang lelaki yang tidak memiliki hati. Dia adalah seorang yang membuat perjanjian(baiah) dengan anda & anda telah mengambil janji setia darinya. Apakah anda rela jika seorang tentera anda hidup tanpa hati?

Apakah anda dapat membantu menghidupkan hatinya agar bergerak dan merasai apa yang diucapkan oleh lisannya? Inilah penyakit salah seorang tentera anda yang akan membuat anda sedih jika mengetahuinya. Oleh sebab itu, saya tidak akan menyebutkan namanya, hinggalah saya maklumkan anda bahawa dia telah sembuh.

Waalaikumussalam wbth


Waalaikumussalam warahmatullahi wabarakatuh,

Saya telah membaca suratmu dan sangat terpengaruh dengan kejujuran bahasamu, keindahan keberanianmu, halusnya kesedaranmu dan HIDUPNYA hatimu. Saudaraku, kamu bukan orang yang hatinya mati seperti yang kamu sangka.

Akan tetapi, kamu adalah seorang pemuda yang perasaannya tajam, jiwanya bersih dan nuraninya lembut. Seandainya tidak bersifat demikian,tentulah kamu engkari perasaanmu. Akan tetapi besarnya semangat & jauhnya tujuan (matlamat hidup) membuatmu menganggap kecil urusanmu yang besar & engkau mengharapkan tambahan untuknya. Tidak ada masalah dalam hal itu & memang itu yang sepatutnya berlaku.

Saya merasakan apa yang kamu rasakan, saya berjalan sebagaimana kamu berjalan & saya akan berusaha untuk memberikan beberapa nasihat. Jika nasihat-nasihat ini bermanfaat bagimu & dengan melaksanakannya kamu lihat dapat menghapuskan dahaga serta mengubati sakitmu, maka alhamdulillah atas taufikNya. Namun jika tidak demikian, maka saya senang untuk bertemu denganmu agar kita saling bekerjasama untuk mengenal pasti penyakitmu & menentukan ubatnya.

Berteman dengan orang-orang yang khusyuk yang selalu merenung, bergaul dengan orang yang selalu berfikir& menyendiri, dekat dengan orang yang bertaqwa & soleh yang dari mereka terpancar hikmah & dari wajah mereka terpancar cahaya, & dari hati mereka bertambah makrifat -dan jumlah mereka adalah sedikit- adalah ubat yang mujarab.

Berusahalah berteman dengan orang-orang seperti mereka, selalu bersama mereka, kembali kepada mereka & kamu sambungkan rohmu dengan roh mereka, jiwamu dengan jiwa mereka serta kamu habiskan kebanyakan waktu kosongmu bersama mereka. Hati-hatilah dengan orang yang mengaku-ngaku. Carilah orang yang keadaannya membuatmu bangkit bersemangat, perbuatannya membawamu berbuat baik & jika kamu melihatnya maka kamu mengingat Allah.

Berteman dengan orang-orang seperti ini adalah salah satu ubat yang mujarab kerana watak manusia sering mencuri, sehinggalah hati terpengaruh dengan hati yang lain dan jiwa pun mengambil contoh dari jiwa yang lain. Oleh kerana itu, berusahalah untuk menemukan jiwa-jiwa yang soleh sebagai teman.

Saudaraku, berfikir, berzikir di waktu-waktu yang suci, menyendiri, bermunajat serta merenung alam yang indah dan menakjubkan, menggali rahsia keindahan & keagungan alam, meneliti dengan hati & berzikir dengan lisantentang tanda keagungan yang menakjubkan serta hikmah yang agung ini, termasuk hal yang memberi kehidupan kepada hati dan menyinari kalbu dengan keimanan & keyakinan.

Allah swt berfirman; “Sesungguhnya dalampenciptaan langit & bumi, dan silih bergantinya malam & siang terdapat tanda-tanda bagi orang-orang yangberakal.” (Ali-Imran : 190)

Saudaraku, seterusnya berfikir tentang masyarakat, melihat pelbagai penderitaan, kebahagiaan, kesulitan serta keamanan, menjenguk orang sakit, menggembirakan orang yang ditimpa bencana & mengetahui sebab kesengsaraan yang berbentuk pembangkangan, kekafiran, kezaliman, pelanggaran, sikap mementingkan diri, egois, terpedaya oleh hal-hal yang semu, semua ini merupakan cantuman bagi rantaian hati yang menyatukan cerai berainya & menghidupkannya dari kematian.

Maka berusahalah agar kewujudanmu menjadi penghibur bagi sengsara & tertimpa bencana. Tidak ada perkara yang pengaruhnya lebih kuat terhadap perasaan daripada berbuat baik kepada orang yang sangat memerlukan, membantu orang yang teraniaya atau berkongsi rasa dengan orang yang susah atau sedih.

Saudaraku, hati ada di tangan Allah. Dia mengubahnya sesuai dengan kehendakNya. Oleh kerana itu, bersungguh-sungguhlah dalam berdoa, agar Dia memberikan kehidupan kepada hatimu, membuka dadamu dengan iman &melimpahkan keyakinan kepadamu sebagai anugerah serta nikmat dariNya. Berdoalah di waktu-waktu mustajab &waktu sahur kerana doa pada waktu sahur adalah ibarat anak panah yang meluncur tidak terhenti sehingga sampai ke Arasy. Saya tidak meragui keikhlasanmu dalam mencapai tujuan & kejujuran dalam pengakuanmu.

Allah swt berfirman; “Sesungguhnya Allah hanya menerima (korban) dari orang-orang yang bertaqwa.”(Al-Maidah : 27)

Saudaramu, Hassan Al-Banna.


I remembered a while back when my dermatology professor told us, "Skin is like a mirror of our internal organs." If there is something wrong with your skin, you should definitely think about something wrong going on inside your body (either it is because of a disease, immune deficiency.. well, the list goes on, i'll probably bore you if i list them all down here). There were a whole lot of other things the professor told us, some of which really taught me, not only about dermatology and medicine but also about life. That was what i liked most about my dermatology cycle, you can gain all the knowledge you want from books and the internet but life experience is something invaluable to share with, something you can't get from books.

And so the same goes for us. sometimes, the way we talk, the way we look at others and talk to them, the way we smile and just by what we do, we actually convey if not all, part of what is inside of us. We do what our heart and mental judgment tells us too. We speak about what is in our hearts, about what is in our minds. If our hearts and minds are troubled, the things we do and talk will also be affected.

"Truly in the body there is a morsel of flesh which, if it be whole, all the body is whole and which, if it be diseased, all of it is diseased. Truly it is the heart."

And in one of those many cases, especially when our iman and our hearts are not quite on the healty side (read: futur), we inevitably might have done slight glitches that might have affected those around us. Often, we keep asking, "Why am I the only one left out in this?" or "Why am I the one doing this?" or "I'm disappointed with everyone around me that I feel like I just want to sit at home and keep to myself" or.. well, you get my drift. We are so occupied with ourselves that we forget to look around us and see what others are going through, possibly the times they are going through are tougher than us. At times, we forget to smile or ask how they are doing. And even if we already know that giving salam is the best way to spread love, as in Rasulullah's hadith...

The Prophet صلى الله عليوسلم said, "You shall not enter Jannah until you believe, and you shall not believe until you love one another. Shall I not direct you to something that if you were to do it, you would love one another? Spread Salam amongst yourselves." [Muslim]

... maybe we tend to forget about it. There's always a difficulty especially when we want to confess our love to our friends and loved ones, when instead, Rasulullah S.A.W. has shown us the easiest way; spread salam and you will spread love. Ain't that sweet?

So, maybe we have our ups and downs. During the ups, we smile and laugh together but during the downs, we'll stick together through thick and thin. Because we know that ultimately, this bond between us is stronger than of blood, than of any kind of bond in this world, biiznillah...

"Truly Allah loves those who fight in His Cause in battle array, as if they were a solid cemented structure." (61:4)

No matter how much we dispute, how many disagreements we face, how many frowns we might have accidentally (oops!) shown to each other, be patient and be merciful to one another (read: rahmah) because what keeps us together is Allah. Because Allah loves when together we fight, we work and we strive for His sake. As Muslims and inshaAllah as Mukmins, love for Allah must always be number one, must always be the one to surpass love for others..

If you're asking why the title for this post is "Rising from the Ashes"? (erk, ada org ke yg nak bertanya?) Well, if you're well-acquainted with a mythical creature called 'phoenix' (best seen in Harry Potter movies, yeah that bird which carried the sword and healed Harry's wound... yes, guilty as charged, i used to be a "harry potter-kipas-susah-mati"), i'm kind of fond of that creature. Mostly because whenever it burns to ashes, it will rise again from the ashes. And to me, that's something we should learn from the mythical creature; whenever we fall down, whenever we fail, whenever we are depressed, disappointed with life and the world that we live in (read again: futur), we should always find a way to get back up again. And most of the time, that way is not going to be easy. But who do we ask the strength from?

No other than Allah 'Azza wa jalla.


ps. alhamdulillah, i've managed to update a new post here (i've been keeping this post for several weeks now)

pss. asif jiddan to all my lovelies. i know i've been hard to deal with these couple of weeks. (read: emo)

pss. "Dalam Mihrab Cinta" is on youtube!

psss. if you're very, very, very free, check out "Sang Pencerah" too

Alhamdulillah. Subhanallah. Allahu akbar.

Tak ku sangka akan kusampai ke puncaknya

merasakan dekatnya Nabi Musa dengan Penciptanya

merasakan ketakutannya ketika gunung Sinai hancur luluh menjadi debu

perjalanan ke puncak yang mencabar

merintih kelelahan usah ditanya berapa kali

namun perjalanan ke puncak itulah yang banyak mengajar

erti kesabaran dan tawakkal

dan ketika tiba di puncak

sejuk bayunya menggigit tulang

namun kudapat rasa manisnya

ketika melihat tempat Nabi Musa bermunajat

ketika melihat di mana dia sembunyi ketakutan pabila Allah menunjukkan kuasaNya

ketika kekasihNya Muhammad pernah menjejakkan kakinya

ketika melihat fajar menyinsing

dan sinaran pelita fajar yang naik di sebalik awanan

berdirinya ku di puncak itu

oh, kerdilnya hambaMu ini!

namun tidak dapat kukira

betapa banyak kalinya aku alpa, sombong

di puncak itu hatiku membisik



Kaulah Pencipta semuanya

Tak dapat aku mengalahi sesuatu apapun dari penciptaanMu itu

namun Kau tetap melihatkannya semua padaku

Kau tetap menyuluh hati yang kecil dan lemah ini

Kau tetap mengisinya dengan cinta

dan di puncak itu

aku memperbaharui cintaku padaMu.

Memori Tur Sina, 28 Januari