Min Qolbi

"Verily in the remembrance of God do hearts find rest." (13:28)


salam wrt,

there is a fine line between routine and actually doing something all out with your heart and soul. you might be doing both of them with all the strength you can possibly muster, you might be doing them at a seemingly impressive way as though you own it. but beware, those two carry different consequences.

the former; you'll probably end up with fatigue and unsatisfaction at the end of the day. the latter; you'll probably feel as if the whole world conspired to help you in doing whatever it is you're doing and thus with it, satisfaction comes along.

and what discriminates them from each other is your intention.

don't make a routine out of something magnificient Allah has granted you the opportunity to do. don't make a routine of of it just because you have been doing it for years now. don't make a routine of it because you think that's the only way you should be doing it.

the gift you have in your hands is something not to be routinized. get your intentions straight and start doing it the right way - "un"routinely as you possibly can. Remember Him every step of the way.

why do i feel so bashed up after reading my own entry?? urgh, it's not really a good feeling. means i have to do more than what i actually write.

and again, it goes back to our intentions. that's why it's the first hadith in An-Nawawi.

a short entry before continuing "de"routinizing my routine. =)



salam wrt,

alhamdulillah, i've passed paediatrics. And one more to go, inshaAllah...

sorry for the prolonged absence; i always have something to write, but i can't seem to finish writing it. Probably because i don't spend enough time for it. i'll be having another exam this friday, inshaAllah (Epidemiology) but since i have this little spare time on my hands, i'd like to write something before i continue my usual exam routine (sleep, study, eat, study, sleep). it really is a miracle how i can keep up this routine for one whole week now, i think my time is better managed than my other usual days.

this time in Nizhniy, it is extremely cold. we had quite a surprise with the warm winter in the beginning but well, knowing Russia.. we're back to our old -15°C to -20°C winter.

anyways, i've always thought that to gain a new habit is not really hard. you just pick a habit and just start doing it. but now, it is proven (mostly by my own humble and little experience) that not only is it difficult to take up a new habit, it is much much more difficult to keep doing it and continue doing it. well, for example, you might want to try to pace up on your Quran reading and at first, you were really enthusiastic about it, you even try putting it up on your schedule for one hour per day just for Quran and as time goes by, you start getting busier with work/studies/family, you just lose the enthusiasm you had earlier and begin compromising it.

and as much as our other habits that we try to continue doing, we find ourselves always in the brink of exhaustion and giving up. either it's because we are too occupied with something else or we lost the "spirit" we had and slowly we sink back to our old self. we get tired trying, we get tired just thinking about trying. and at first we might feel bad about it - getting fed up and tired, losing the spirit (baca: semangat/himmah) - but then as time goes by, we feel comfortable about not getting up and trying again, almost at peace with ourselves and the condition we're in.

and to tell you the truth, honest i-swear-to-tell-nothing-but-the-truth, that is the worst part. feeling at ease that you're not trying or striving to become better. because...

"We have certainly created man into hardship. "

- Al-Balad, 90:4

it is in the nature that Allah has created us with hardship along with it. as long as we breathe, as long as our soul and body are united - hardships, trials and tribulations - will always be part and parcel of our life.

"[He] who created death and life to test you [as to] which of you is best in deed - and He is the Exalted in Might, the Forgiving"

- Al-Mulk, 67:2

So, whenever we are faced with any obstacles, instead of asking,"Why me, why am i always the one to get in trouble, it's like trouble has my name written all over it?" Ask ourselves,"Why not?" Allah has created us, granted us with many pleasures, given us everything we could and could not think of; it is just natural that in His Position and Power to take everything back because it is not ours to begin with.

But, despair not!

"For indeed, with hardship [will be] ease. Indeed, with hardship [will be] ease."

Ash-Sharh, 94:5-6

Whenever we feel like giving up, at the brink of the mountain, just wanting to jump down, first of all, don't jump! and ponder for a moment that with every struggle we face, with every trials we go through, we will not reach the end of the dark, unlit, tunnel alone, we will not face a dead end. Because there is always hope for the doers of good. The nature that Allah shows us every single day - at the dawn of a new day, the narrow, fine line at the horizon slowly rising up to the sky and alas, the sun with all its brilliance and might that Allah created it with - that there is always hope for us.

After the darkness and uncertainty of the night, the sun shines again to tell us that hope is always there. He is always there. Allah is always there. For us. For you and me.

"And those who strive for Us - We will surely guide them to Our ways. And indeed, Allah is with the doers of good."

-Al-Ankabut, 29:69

Taking up a habit of doing good and becoming better; there is an unspoken rule that trials and tribulations will come along with it. But mashaAllah, if we just believe and have faith, du'a, du'a and du'a, and always remind ourselves and others as well that there is a better, much much much better, hundreds trillion times better, the-world-is-like-a-part-of-a-mosquito's-wing-compared-to-jannah better, we will face the trials and hardships and be rewarded with something much greater than that, biiznillah.

Because hardships don't last forever. Jannah does.


~a reminder to myself before everyone else, inshaAllah.